Family Wahala

No be small Wahala oooooooooooo

Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation. One of them
kept complaining of family problems. Finally, the other man said:
"You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation. A few
years ago I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter and we got
married.
"Later my father married my step daughter. That made my stepdaughter my stepmother and my father became my stepson. Also,my wife became mother in-law of her father-in-law.

Then the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son. This boy was my half-brother because he was my father's son, but he was also the son of my wife's daughter which made him my wife's grand-son.That made me the grandfather of my half-brother.

"This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the half-sister of my son, my stepmother, is also the grandmother. "This makes my father the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father's wife, I'm my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I'm My own son's grandfather! And you think you have family wahala

Marriage Rules and Regulations

A typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night, whether you're here or not."

Marriage Rules and Regulations

A typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night, whether you're here or not."

This Thing Called Men

It has two feet,two arms,but never more than one idea on its head or a button on its shirt.

A man is what a woman marries.

To turn a man into a husband is one of the most delicate plastic operation known to civilization.It requires Hope,Faith and Charity.

If you flatter a man,you bore him to death,

If you don't,he wonders what stuff women are made of.

If you are the type that wears gay colors like bright orange,red,yellow, He gazed on women in subtle colors.

If you are the type that takes the back seat and let him do all the talking,He swears you"ll kill him.

If you talk about marriage,he enters into a shell and answer in Mono-Syllables.

If you don't talk about marriage,he wonders how much longer you intend in playing around.

There is no question you"ll hook him.but there will be a time of tolerance.
Maybe you think im lying(Agree Or Disagree)

The Mental Patient's Act of Love

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.


When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays that you have a sound mind. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.



Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

TRUANCY

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde all work in the same office with the same female boss. Every day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day, the girls decided that when the boss left, they'd leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back, so how was she to know?
The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening and went to bed early.
The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at her spa before meeting a dinner date.
The blonde was happy, happy, happy to be home, but when she got to her bedroom she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly, quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS!!! Ever so gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.
The next day, during their coffee break, the brunette and redhead mentioned leaving early again, and asked the blonde if she was with them.

"NO WAY," she exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday!"

The Ghananian Lady

There was an Ghanaian lady married to a English gentleman who had moved to London. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but any how managed to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.
One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. The butcher got the message and the lady went home with pork legs.
The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn't know how to say it, and so unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts. The lady got what she wanted.
The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. She brought her husband to the store and ,

What do u think happened?

Anntiversary Gift

Kofi and his wife Adjoa live in USA. Kofi asks his wife, what she wants for their 20th wedding anniversary.
"Would you like a diamond ring?" he asks.

"Not really," says Adjoa.

"Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?" says Kofi.

"No," she responds.

"What about a new home in Ghana?" he suggests.

She again rejects his offer with a "No thanks."

"Well, what would you like for your anniversary?" Kofi asks.

"Kofi, I'd like a divorce," answers Adjoa.

"Sorry, I wasn't planning to spend that much," says Adjoa.

PROFESSOR

A university professor, after very many years of study came home. On arrival he met a village boy at the river bank. The little boy ferry people across the sea for money. No sooner had professor boarded the boy's canoe than the following interogation began:
Prof: "Did you read philosophy?"
The Boy:"No"
Prof: "You are useless in the world"
Prof: "What about psychlogy?"
The Boy: "No"
Prof: "You are a waste"
Prof: "Did you read phamacology?
The Boy: "No"
Prof: "You are good for nothing"
After a while there was excessive wave and the canoe was shaking to capsize.
The boy quicky abandoned the prof to fate. The helpless prof was in great fear, yelling at the litte bot for help.The Boy asked him " Prof, have studied Swimmology?" Now you are the one finished.

DOG

Ned and the Dog

Ned goes over to see his neighbour who has a very ferocious-looking dog. As Ned approaches the door the dog begins to bark wildly and his neighbour says to him, "Come on in, Ned! Don't be afraid of my dog. You know the old proverb: A barking dog never bites." "Yes," replied Ned, "I know the proverb, and you know the proverb, but does your dog know it?" Before we have an agreement on when a dog can bite and when it cannot, we must first make sure the dog is party to the agreement.

RELIGIOUS JOKES

The Woman And The He-Goat

A preacher notices a woman in the congregation who begins to weep as soon as he begins to preach. Thinking he has made a big catch he preaches with even greater fervour. The more he preaches, the more the woman cries.
Finally, the preaching over, it is time to give testimonies. The preacher points to the woman and says, “Sister, I can see you were mightily moved as we proclaimed the word of God. Now can you please share with us what it was that convicted your spirit so much.”
The woman hesitates, but the pastor insists so she comes up and takes the microphone. “You see,” she begins, “Last year I lost my he-goat, the most precious thing I possessed. I prayed and cried much over it and then I forgot all about it. But as soon as you came out to preach and I saw your beard, it reminded me all over again of the he-goat. I still cry whenever I remember it.” She did not remember one word of what the preacher said.

I Have Fallen

A newly posted parish pastor discovered that all who come to confess their sin is guilty of "I Have Fallen" He waited to understand what the clause could mean to the people. But all efforts on the contrary did not help matters. He then concluded that the bad road in vicinity might be the reason may people fall. As a result he went to the Mayor to complain about the roads in the Council:

"Sir, your roads are bad. My parishioners are always hurt. They keep confessing ‘ I have Fallen’"

The Mayor who knew what " I Have Fallen" meant for the people burst into laughter. The priest was embarrassed and said:

"Even your wife is a victim of the bad road and you are laughing"

The man got mad because he understood that his wife had cheated him.
"I Have Fallen" the people use to refer to sin of adultery/fornication.

The Bishop's Confession

A story is told of a delegate of priests headed by a bishop. In the aircraft in which they were travelling were other diverse people.
Suddenly there was a problem: one of the aircraft's engine stopped working. Every body was gripped with fear. No body wants to die. After a while another announcement was that the second engine has stopped working too, that all should prepare for anything.
Instantly, there was a long queue of people confessing their sins. The priests and the bishop also confessed to each other. Third announcement was that all is well again: the engines are working now. The bishop quickly and quietly went to the priest whom he heared his confession and said to him:
"I did not mean all that i told you, i was only joking"

God Is Missing

There were two little boys, 8 and 10 years old, very mischievous and naughty. They were always get into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their city, their sons were probably involved.

They boy's mother heard that a clergyman in city had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning and 10-year-old in the afternoon to see the clergyman .

The clergyman, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?".

They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"


The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did it!"

Bishop Desmond Tutu

Bishop Desmond Tutu of South Africa is very fond of this joke: When the missionaries came to Africa, we had the land and they had the Bible. Then they said, "Let us pray ...," and asked us to close our eyes. By the time the prayer was over, they now had the land and we had the Bible. And he usually ends the joke by adding, "And I think we got the better deal."

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