RELIGIOUS JOKES

The Woman And The He-Goat

A preacher notices a woman in the congregation who begins to weep as soon as he begins to preach. Thinking he has made a big catch he preaches with even greater fervour. The more he preaches, the more the woman cries.
Finally, the preaching over, it is time to give testimonies. The preacher points to the woman and says, “Sister, I can see you were mightily moved as we proclaimed the word of God. Now can you please share with us what it was that convicted your spirit so much.”
The woman hesitates, but the pastor insists so she comes up and takes the microphone. “You see,” she begins, “Last year I lost my he-goat, the most precious thing I possessed. I prayed and cried much over it and then I forgot all about it. But as soon as you came out to preach and I saw your beard, it reminded me all over again of the he-goat. I still cry whenever I remember it.” She did not remember one word of what the preacher said.

I Have Fallen

A newly posted parish pastor discovered that all who come to confess their sin is guilty of "I Have Fallen" He waited to understand what the clause could mean to the people. But all efforts on the contrary did not help matters. He then concluded that the bad road in vicinity might be the reason may people fall. As a result he went to the Mayor to complain about the roads in the Council:

"Sir, your roads are bad. My parishioners are always hurt. They keep confessing ‘ I have Fallen’"

The Mayor who knew what " I Have Fallen" meant for the people burst into laughter. The priest was embarrassed and said:

"Even your wife is a victim of the bad road and you are laughing"

The man got mad because he understood that his wife had cheated him.
"I Have Fallen" the people use to refer to sin of adultery/fornication.

The Bishop's Confession

A story is told of a delegate of priests headed by a bishop. In the aircraft in which they were travelling were other diverse people.
Suddenly there was a problem: one of the aircraft's engine stopped working. Every body was gripped with fear. No body wants to die. After a while another announcement was that the second engine has stopped working too, that all should prepare for anything.
Instantly, there was a long queue of people confessing their sins. The priests and the bishop also confessed to each other. Third announcement was that all is well again: the engines are working now. The bishop quickly and quietly went to the priest whom he heared his confession and said to him:
"I did not mean all that i told you, i was only joking"

God Is Missing

There were two little boys, 8 and 10 years old, very mischievous and naughty. They were always get into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their city, their sons were probably involved.

They boy's mother heard that a clergyman in city had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning and 10-year-old in the afternoon to see the clergyman .

The clergyman, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?".

They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"


The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did it!"

Bishop Desmond Tutu

Bishop Desmond Tutu of South Africa is very fond of this joke: When the missionaries came to Africa, we had the land and they had the Bible. Then they said, "Let us pray ...," and asked us to close our eyes. By the time the prayer was over, they now had the land and we had the Bible. And he usually ends the joke by adding, "And I think we got the better deal."

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